Thought

What is the meaning of friends?
Nobody can tell.
Based on the Oxford dictionary,
Friend= A person that you know and like(not a member of your family), and who likes you.
But from my point of view,
I feel that friends or should I say close/best friends
Are people that :
- share secrets between each other
- will not betray each other
- put each other at the third place in their hearts ( 1st for God, 2nd for family )
- care for each other
- understands each other
- share happiness and sadness between each other
- gives each other idea when someone is lost
- tell each other what is the right thing to do

If these r really the direct translation of the word 'friend',
Then I can tell,
I don't even have a friend.
Because,
- I can only share my intimate secrets and thoughts with my sis but not anyone else.
- I have been hurt and betrayed by not only one friend.
- I really put my friends as very important people in my life bt they don't.
- I'm only the one who care about them bt nobody care about me.
- Only I understand myself.
- Happy or sad, I myself noe.
- I have to tell myself wad to do when I'm lost.
- I have to interpret myself what is the right thing and the bad thing.

I have been facing a lot of problems since last time.
I'm not sure whether coming to CGL and noe u guys is the right choice or not.
I have been sacrificing(?) for my friends but I soon realise that nobody is willing to sacrifice 4 me.
My friend is right.
I'm naive.
Really really naive.
Even my younger sis thinks so.
Everybody changes after leaving high school except me.
My high school best friends r people that I care the most since last time until NOW.
But they changed,
Or should I say,
They never care about me since last time?

Recently,
I'm trying very hard 2 plan a trip and I put all my friends in the list,
But I realise that my friends are actually also planning the same trip without me in it.
NAIVE ya?
Or stupid?
I don't know.
People r juz playing fool on me and I dun even realise it.

Last time,
One of my friends used 2 ask me sth like this:
' Y can u remember all ur friends' phone number bt we don't?'
I can tell u the answer now.
It is because I'm am always the one who called u girls and u girls dun even bother 2 call me.
It is actually very hard to make my phone rings.
That's y sometimes I dun even bother 2 bring my phone out or charge it
Because I noe that nobody will call me or what.
It is really very disappointing sometimes.
Not even a ' How r u recently?' msg from ur friend?
Or maybe sth like ' Hey I'm free this Saturday. Wanna hang out together? '
Or 'How was ur work? Everything ok?'
Or maybe some festive greetings.
Ridiculous right?
I'm the one who always ask u all out.
No matter to Gurney, night market or school.
I have a feel like I'm the one who force u girls to go out with me.
U girls r the 1st one that I will think to hang out when I'm free.
But u girls don't.
I AM SAD.
I am sad that I always try my best 2 make u guys happy.
But nobody noes..
Sometimes I feel that I'm really useless.
No point living in this earth.
Since nobody will even care whether I'm existing or not.

I always cancel outing when one of my friends cannot make it.
Because I want all of us to be together.
Everybody plays an important role.
But when I'm the one who cannot make it?
U girls will be like ....
Oh, nvm...
U all will be like
Don't-worry-We-wll-enjoy-ourselves that kinda look.

Just wanna say that
My heart now is already faded.
I really thinks that I'm stupid.

My teacher used to tell me that don't put friendship as a very important thing in my life.
She asked me not to trust friends too much.
They will betray and hurt me.
They will only think of u when they need u.
She said that I will know as I grow up.
But I juz ignore her.
Becoz I feel that friends r important.
I can't live without them.
Bt now I noe.
They can survive without me.
Thank you teacher for telling me all this.

BUT,
As I was typing,
Two humans suddenly pop out from my mind.
They r the ones who care 4 me.
And I noe.
They r Grace and Alicia.
They r the ones who will be there 4 me when I faced problems.
Although we don't see each other 4 quite a long time,
Both of u r the BEST-est people I ever met.
U and u will always be in the first place in my friend list
Although I dunno what is my ranking in their mind.
But I'm still satisfied that I met both of u.
I LOVE U.
MY dearest
Alicia Khoo Poh Ean and
Grace Lim Si Han.

Maybe I should juz forget about everything,
And start a new life.
But so sad that I am the forgive-but-not-forget type.
I think I should ignore everything since
Ignorance is a bliss?
LET THE BYPAST BE BYPAST.

當有一個有義氣的人
遇到一群沒有義氣的人，
會有好的火花嗎？
看我的經歷就知道。

自私的人不會有煩惱
反而常替別人著想的人，
會時常傷心。

因爲你們，
我對世界開始絕望了。
不是失望，
而是絕望。

雖然曾經被傷害過，背叛過，
但我還是選擇相信，
世界上真的有好人的存在。

SONG OF THE DAY
哭過就好了-梁文音
沒那麽簡單-黃小琥